Three Days of Weird Dreams

People sometimes say they have weird dreams because of something they ate. This has never made sense to me. I have weird dreams no matter what. However, this week I've basically just been eating that chocolate cake I described in the previous post along with falafel chips and hummus, and I've had some unusually intense dreams.

• Night 1: My dog Theresa was digging in the dirt, and this triggered her evolution into a worm. (Even in my dream I thought "this wasn't my understanding of how evolution works...") The worm was small (worm-sized, not dog-sized) but had the same yellow and brown coloring as Theresa. I picked it up, but before I could get it somewhere safe, Evie, my other dog, ate it! I was horrified!
• Night 2: My sister was going to dogsit for Evie and Theresa. A common enough occurrence, except in the dream she lived in Florida instead of Wisconsin. "Just put them on the bus!" she said. We laughed about how it'd be funny to have greyhounds riding a Greyhound Bus. But I was concerned about their safety.  She assured me that when she'd recently dogsat for my mom, my mom's dog Fitzie had also ridden the bus.
• Night 3: My mother found the Holy Grail! It turned out to be in a park in my hometown in Illinois. It also turned out to be a large root vegetable. We told the government, who said they would award my mom $90,000 and we were free to eat the root vegetable.  It was delicious.

Airport Delays

How to survive massive airport delays without losing your mind or humanity (as determined by my recent experiences):

1. Don't let yourself get too hungry or thirsty.  
I had a little baggie of emergency almonds in my purse.

2. Remember that the flight crew probably has nothing to do with the delays. 
They don't want to be stuck on the tarmac any more than you do.  Telling them that they should be embarrassed, as one man on my flight did, just makes you looks like a jackass to the rest of the passengers.  Be nice to the flight crew, because then they will be nice to you.


3. Bring more to read then you would think you'd possibly need.
I still prefer actual paper books for day-to-day reading, but for traveling, nothing beats my Kindle.

4. Pretend you are a character in a light-hearted movie.
Perhaps a farce or a romantic comedy about a young woman trying to make it as a professional dealing with comically terrible travel luck. Just don't imagine the movie is a thriller or a horror movie.  The Philly airport at 1:30am is pretty creepy if you're in a horror movie.

5. When other passengers irritate you, think that your excellent behavior can set a good example for them.
Not for any noble reasons. It's so you get to feel all superior and smug with yourself.


6. Imagine telling it to people later.
"And then we were told we'd be sitting in the plane for another hour! Can you believe it?!"

7. In the words of Donna and Tom from Parks and Recreation, "Treat Yo' Self!"
When I found out I'd be arriving to my hotel at 2a.m. at the earliest, I canceled my early-morning meeting for the next day. I dropped money on a delicious dinner snack thing once I got to the hotel, and I realllly enjoyed it.  (Seriously, are you familiar with GoPicnic? I just had one last night. They are so delicious and clever and yummy, and come with little Sudoku puzzles for you to do while you eat.) Then I slept till noon the next day.